


Delightfully devilish, Peter

by DrFacilier



Series: Ayo, the pizza's here! [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BAMF May Parker (Spider-Man), BAMF Peter Parker, BAMF Tony Stark, Crack Treated Seriously, Dead May Parker (Spider-Man), F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Happy Hogan is a Good Bro, How Do I Tag, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Made Myself Cry, I Tried, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Marvel Universe, Meme Lord Peter Parker, Memes, Multi, Other, POV Peter Parker, POV Tony Stark, Peter Parker Deserves Better, Peter Parker is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Peter Parker is a Mess, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Precious Peter Parker, Timeline What Timeline, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Worried May Parker (Spider-Man)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 18:54:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20747087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrFacilier/pseuds/DrFacilier
Summary: -That time Peter cooked for Tony-





	Delightfully devilish, Peter

**Author's Note:**

> The time Peter cooked for Tony

There was a knock on the door.

The door opened to reveal Tony stark, wearing a grey suit, his hair perfectly ruffled.

"Well, Peter, I made it; despite your directions."  
He told his ki- intern.

"Oh- M-mister Stark! Welcome!" Peter stammered out, his face flushing pink. "I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable lunch!"

Tony nodded. "Yep." His red shades (that probably cost more than Peter's and May's, apartment) glinted as he peered over Peter's shoulder and into the hallway.

Peter led Mr Stark into the dining room, babbling excitedly about the time Spider-Man had met a man walking a tiger down the streets of New York.

"Right, well I'm gonna check on the food. Be right back." Peter tells Tony as he watches the man take a seat at the wooden table.

As he was about to walk through the door his foot trips on nothing and he stumbles.

His face now beet red he speed walks into the kitchen, the door swaying behind him.

He didn't have to turn around to know Tony was laughing at him.

•☆•

The smell of burning was the first thing to hit Peter's nose.

Grey smoke was seeping through the oven at an alarming rate.

He ran towards the oven and pulled the handle.

**stop stop stop** his spidersenses warned him, but it was too late.

Smoke and heat engulfed Peter's face.

His head lent back so fast he was surprised his neck didn't crack.

He slammed the oven closed and tried to cough silently, as to not alert Mr Stark.

'Oh shit! My roast is ruined!' He thought, his hands raking through his hair in panic.

Through his silent panic he could see a yellow light shining through the window.

He walked towards the window and peered out.

'Of course!' His mind cheered 'How could I have forgot!'

He lived near a Burger king restaurant.

'What if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking?' He smirked to himself.

Rubbing his hands together like a cliché villain, he praised himself.

"Delightfully devilish, Peter." He giggled

'Mr stark'll never know.'

Peter opened the window.

**sto-**

His leg was halfway out, when the door behind him swung open and Mr Stark swaggerd in.

"Kid?" Tony exclaimed. His eyebrows raising in confusion.

'Oh shit'

"Mr Stark! I was just- uh.." Peter trailed off.

'Think dammit think!'

"Just stretching my calves on the windowsill!" He replied. Doing a few stretches to demonstrate. "Wanna join?"

Tony's eyebrows furrowed as he caught sight of smoke.

"Kid, why is there smoke coming out of your oven?"

Peter's face flushed as he tried to think of an excuse.

"Uh..- Oh!" He exclaimed, his mind supplying him with a solution. "That's not smoke. It's steam... Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmm. Steamed clams."

Mr Stark raised an eyebrow at the kid. He went to reply but thought better of it and left towards the dining room. The door swinging closed behind him.

Peter exhaled in relief that that had worked and crawled silently out of the window, onto the fire escape.

Being as sneakily as he could he quickly scaled the wall and ran across the road and into the restaurant.

•☆•

"Whew!" Peter exclaimed, his arms holding a tray of hamburgers and fries. "Mr Stark, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!"

((I drew some better art for it ))

Tony put his phone in his pocket and leaned back on his hair. "I thought we were having steamed clams."

Peter gulped. He placed the tray onto the table and poured some cola into two glasses.

"Oh, no. I said steamed hams." He tried to say confidently. His mouth twisting into what he hoped was a smile but was actually a grimace.

"That's what I call hamburgers."

Tony took a sip of Cola. To hide his smirk. 'His kid was hilarious'

"You call hamburgers steamed hams?"

Peter could feel sweat pooling on his temple.  
"...Yes." He replied.

'I'm too far in this lie to back out now.'

"It's a.. a regional dialect." He added, nodding his head as he took a seat opposite Mr Stark.

"Uh-huh." Mr Stark replies, his voice oozing with sarcasm that Peter completely misses. "What region?"

Peter's eyes widen a fraction as he tries to think. "Uuuuuh.. upstate New York."

Tony nods. His smirk now visible as he nods along. "Really. Well, I'm from Upstate, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "steamed hams.""

Peter wants to scream.

"Oh, it's.. it's not.. really upstate. No... It's a Parker expression..." He trails off.

"I see." Mr Stark says. Even though he didn't.

Peter starts eating a burger as Mr Stark goes to talk again.

"You know." He starts, whilst holding the bun in one hand so you could see the meat, cheese and pickles. "These hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Burger King."

Peter gulps. Stuttering out a response. "O-Oh, no. P-Patented Parker burgers. Old family recipe!" He nods, eyes growing in size as he tries to be convincing.

Mr Starks face goes blank. "For steamed hams?"

"Yes..."

Mr Stark looks dead inside as he speaks again "Okay, and you call them steamed hams despite the fact that they're obviously grilled."

Peters mind goes blank as he sees smoke start to slowly seep into the room behind Mr Stark.

He picks up a napkin and tries to subtly wipe away the sweat on his face.

"Ye- You know.. the- One thing I should- - " He stutters out. "Excuse me for one second."

"Of course." Tony nods, and goes back to eating steamed hams and fries.

Peter rushes into the kitchen only to see the oven on fire.

The fire was rapidly spreading.

The only reason the fire alarm wasn't going off was because they kept getting complains every time May cooked, cause she always somehow ended up accidentally burning everything.

So they took the batteries out of it.

'OH SHIT!' His mind screams at him.

He rushes back to the dining room, the door swinging behind him as he catches Mr Starks eye and stretches.

Yawning loudly he hurries out "That was wonderful! A good time was had by all. I'm so tired!"

Mr Stark nods and goes to stand up.

"Yes. I should b-GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?" He shouts. His hand pointing towards the kitchen doors which were still slowly swinging so you could see the inside a bit.

Peter gulps. "..Aurora borealis."

Tony backtracks. 'He had not expected that answer.'

"A-AURORA BOREALIS!?" He stammers out, his voice hitching. "AT THIS TIME OF YEAR, AT THIS TIME OF DAY, IN THIS PART OF THE STATE, LOCALISED ENTIRELY WITHIN YOUR KITCHEN!?"

Peter freezes. "...Yes."

Tony's face softens. "May I see it?"

Peter gulps. "No."

Suddenly there was a shout from May’s room.  
"PETER! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!"

Peter laughs nervously. "NO, MAY! ITS JUST THE NORTHERN LIGHTS!" he shouts back, smiling nervously at Tony, who is staring at him with an eyebrow raised.

Tony wipes his hands on his jeans and stands up.

Peter leads him to the door and opens it.

Tony walks through the door and down the hallway.

He reaches the end of the hallway and presses the elevator button.

As he's waiting he turns back towards Peter (who is sweating alot as the heat hits his back)

"Well, Underoos, you're an odd kid, but I must say.. you steam a good ham."

As Tony takes a step into the elevator he hears the shouts of May from inside the apartment.

"HELP! HELP!"

He takes a look at Peter who gives him two thumbs up, a strained smile on his face.

The elevator door closes.

Peter turns and sprints into the apartment.

•☆•

As Happy drives Tony back home, he sees a fire truck race past, alarms blazing.

**Author's Note:**

> Please tell me what you thought. UwU
> 
> i even drew some art for it!! :)


End file.
